Preparing Elise for August 19

Tonight while putting Elise to bed I told her that Tessa's birthday is in two days.  I wanted to help prepare her for our emotions on that day, but I also just told her because it's normal for us to prepare her for things a few days in advance.

Her first question was, "Will she be there?"  She looked confused as she asked this, as she knows Tessa has died.  I said, "No, she won't be here on her birthday because she died when she was just a baby."  We went over the details again.  She kept saying, "Can you tell me more about what happened?"  I told her pretty much everything . . . how mommy and daddy decided they wanted to have a baby, how she grew big in my belly, how we didn't know if it was going to be a boy or girl, how she arrived on August 19, how happy we were that it was a girl, how we named her Tessa Bunny (which got some giggles), and how she started to get sick because a part of her brain didn't grow, how Tessa rode in an ambulance to a different hospital where they could take better care of her, and then that she died.

I explained to Elise that on Tessa's birthday, mommy and daddy might be sad because we miss Tessa so much and we wish she could be with us on her birthday (and every day).  I started to cry while explaining this to her and she got out from under her covers and enveloped me in her arms.  For a while we just sat there holding each other in this hug, and neither of us said a word.  It's a moment I will never forget.

Then I reminded Elise that her middle name is Tessa so she can always have a little piece of her sister with her.  We made a plan to look at pictures and talk more about Tessa on the 19th.   These conversations are becoming so special to me and each time we talk, I become less scared to broach these kinds of topics with Elise.