I found myself wanting to write about Tessa the other day. I kept thinking to myself, "Why do I want to do that?" Do I want sympathy? Am I writing as a way to remember her? Is it a method of grieving? Will sharing the things I've been going through be cathartic? I couldn't quite figure it out. I even asked Mike what he thought of me writing about this whole experience and writing about Tessa on this blog. He said he didn't mind, but he also asked why I felt the need to share these things publicly. I didn't really have an answer. I've been mulling over those questions for the last week or so. Not until tonight did I realize one of the reasons I feel like writing about her and writing about our experiences in this kind of a forum. I desperately want to feel like a mom. I can stay out as late as I want, I can drink wine, I can go shopping when I feel like going shopping, and I can sleep when I feel like sleeping . . . to some of you that may sound like heaven. Yes, it is pretty awesome, but I'd gladly trade it all (and more) to wake up at 1 AM and 3 AM and 5AM, to clean up after the diaper blow out, and to do all of the wonderful things that most parents get to do.
So maybe this is my way of proving it, my way of feeling like I have some connection to the rest of you who call yourselves moms and get to post updates and pictures. And because pretty much every mom I know sends out a birth announcement introducing their bundle of joy, that will be my next post . . . an introduction to the most amazing little human I have ever met, Tessa, my daughter.
6 comments:
Tears, Georgia. You are a mom and I hope that you get your "take home baby" soon- to fawn over and cuddle with all night and day long. And even when that happens, Tessa will never be forgotten. Thank you for choosing to share your thoughts about your beautiful girl with us. <3
Oh sweet Georgia. This made me cry. It is so authentic and real. I haven't walked your walk, but I've walked beside it. I can identify with so many of the things you have said. I would love to still be you neighbor down the street. I'm sure we could talk endlessly. I knew you'd turn out to be as amazing as you are. I'm sorry Tessa never grew to know what an amazing mother she had. xoxoxo Kay
I enjoyed reading this first entry of yours very much Georgia. I do believe that writing and sharing with others is a way to process, grieve perhaps, grow, acknowledge, all these things. I also think it's very healthy to do so. I look forward to more of your writing. You are an awesome teacher, friend, colleague, sister, daughter and mom.
Janet Meister
Georgia, thank you so much for sharing your comments with all of us. We, too, grieve for Tessa and when I saw the photo you posted of her, I was overjoyed. What a beauty! It made it all real for me. You are definitely a mom, have no doubt about that. You are officially part of that sorority. You will always be a mom, no matter what. A mom's love never ends. I love that you are posting about all this. Tessa does, and always will, live in our hearts.
Gail
You ARE a beautiful mama, Gorbs. And you've endured much more than many of us. Keep your hopes high. We love and remember Tess and pray for a new bundle coming soon! God's timing...
You ARE a beautiful mama, Gorbs. And you've endured much more than many of us. Keep your hopes high. We love and remember Tess and pray for a new bundle coming soon! God's timing...
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