10 years

April this year marked our 10 year dating anniversary.  We decided to be totally romantic and go . . . mini-golfing!  Yes, it was totally silly and it brought back so many memories of going to Malibu Grand Prix as an 8 year old, but it was really fun!  Plus we went in the first hour it was open so it was half off and not crowded at all.  Later in the day we followed up with an indulgent trip to The Melting Pot in San Mateo where we feasted on three courses of fondue.  A lovely day with a handsome boy. 

Mother's Day

I knew it was going to be hard.  When it finally came, I experienced moments of anger and sadness, I cried, I stared at Tessa's picture longer than I usually do, I imagined her in my arms.  Yet I also, once again, was shown how blessed I really am.  Blessed to have the mom that I have who is always there to support me, coworkers who had flowers (in my favorite colors!) delivered to me on Saturday, a close friend who mailed me a Happy Mother's Day card, my sister and some friends who sent amazing e-mails that lifted me right up and reminded me that no one has forgotten Tessa, a neighbor who left a rose and some cookies on the porch, my in-laws who had flowers, cards, and a beautiful bracelet for me, and a wonderful husband who gave me much-needed hugs all day long.  Even the kitties seemed to know I needed extra snuggles that day.  Thank you for acknowledging me as a mother and for reminding me how lucky I am.     

The Magic of a Haircut

I feel totally beautiful today.  Trust me, this is not something I say or feel about myself very often.  I just got home from my hair stylist with a fresh new look that I couldn't be happier with.  Yes, I even cried on the way home (but let's be real, I cry a lot these days).  Somehow Dolcie, my stylist, knows exactly what I need and she executes perfectly every time.  Today what I needed was just to feel good about myself.  I left feeling that way, $50 poorer, but totally worth it!

The last time I felt beautiful was when I was pregnant.  I loved the look of my full, round belly.  I loved the cute new maternity tops I bought and the cropped maternity jeans.  I don't know if I had the "pregnancy glow," but I sure felt like I did.  I walked around proudly, picking shirts that hugged my belly instead of trying to cover it up. 

These days, I rarely feel beautiful.  If I'm being fully honest, most days I feel like crap.  I'm not happy with how I look physically.  I find my body downright depressing.  To top it off, after giving birth I was left with a generous gut and the most horrific stretch marks on my belly (imagine a child took a fat purple marker and started drawing lines everywhere . . . yes, purple).  Really it just seems cruel to have the physical evidence of having had a baby, yet no baby.  I'm reminded of this every time I look in the mirror.

Today, though, I am going to celebrate feeling beautiful!  I know the feeling will fade away in a day or two (or even in a few hours when the cute hairstyle starts to droop and frizz . . . please Mike get home before then!), but I'm going to try to hold on to it for as long as I can.  Maybe this feeling is just a sign that I need to get a haircut more often . . .

Tomorrow the pampering continues with a pedicure in the company of one of my best friends.  Ahh, spring break, I love you.

 P.S.  This post is NOT an attempt to fish for compliments.  Other people telling me I look nice is not nearly as satisfying as feeling it myself.  :)